Wow. Commencement. You can only imagine how happy I was on May 22nd when I woke up and realized that I would not only be receiving a college degree, but that it marked my last day of affiliation with the community college! 

I had to drive to the furthest campus since the campus I got to has no meeting hall large enough for such an occasion. I put on a new dress, a pair of heels, grabbed my cap and gown, and rushed out the door.

When I arrived, my parents presented their tickets to get into the gym and I followed the signs to where all of the graduates were supposed to line up. We were told to arrive at 10 am, an hour before the commencement was supposed to begin. Now, this seems like ample to time to organize the graduating class into the appropriate lines, right? 

Wrong.

We did not line up alphabetically as one group, we lined up by campus. It was SO stupid. The administration is always promoting this idea of a “one-college-community” and then they split us up. 

When I arrived at the big white tent that canopied graduates ranging from age 18 to 118, I found one of the administrators and was handed a yellow card, a pencil, and was asked if I needed any bobby pins. I glanced down at the card and saw that it was from some photography company. I needed to fill it out and then hand it to the speaker so my name would be read properly and they would know who I was when they took a picture of me receiving my diploma. 

There were a thousand and one old people yelling at us to line up in alphabetical order based on campus. I headed over to the area where the campus I attended was lining up and timidly asked a few people what there last name was so I could insert myself into the “line” at the proper place. Well. I stood there like a fool in a cap and gown for a good forty-five minutes while the rest of the people around me mingled and took pictures and messed up the entire alphabetized line. 

At about five minutes to 11, some fool of an administrator started to bring our campus into the building. I would say that they brought our “line” into the building, but that would be a complete lie since it was more of an ameba of people wearing funny square hats. 

We were shoved into a hallway where we waited for half an hour. Why? Who knows. Why would the community college even ATTEMPT to start anything on time? That would be so silly! 

Suddenly, around 11:20, the doors to the gym were opened and a procession of bagpipes flooded in. BAGPIPES. We stood in the hallway an additional seven minutes so a band of fools in red and black kilts could play some music that no one in that gym cared about. 

After the flood of administrators made there way in, it was FINALLY time to allow the graduates to enter. The campus I attend was escorted in first. Traditionally, at any sort of ceremony, you start by filling up the first row and then continue to fill up each row back until everyone is seated. But why be traditional? Our campus was escorted to the back row. Since we are the smallest campus, we had the fewest graduates, so we only took up about three rows. Ok. So it may be strange, but I just assumed they enjoyed doing things backwards and assumed that the next campus would take the next row in front of us. 

NOPE.

They skipped about seven rows, and then started seating the next two campuses. So, for the entire length of the three hour ceremony (yes, three hours) there was a huge seven row gap between us and the rest of the graduates… so much for that whole “one-college-community” campaign. 

So there were a zillion and one speakers who all said some lame-o quote and wished the graduates luck, but there is one speaker in particular who absolutely ENRAGED me. Chuck. Schumer. He went up the little podium in his little black outfit like a fool of a politician. He opened his speech by saying, “Before I start, I’d just like to say that we need to say congratulations to the Navy Seals and President Obama for the death of one of the worst men on earth”. I almost fell out of my chair. That FOOL had the audacity to give a campaign speech at my graduation. He went on to talk about how wonderful the economy was doing as of late and about the United States of America being the greatest place on earth and how the United States is always dominant and ALWAYS victorious. He also said that we would “WIN THIS WAR ON TERROR” (whatever the hell that means). He went on to tell us about some new tax law that he wrote and how we were all gonna get a tax break because of him (give me a break). He continued by LITERALLY sharing his life story. He told us about his first job as a copy boy and about how hard he worked to earn his position as Senetor. At the end, he tacked on some little “Congrats Grads” sentiment, waited eagerly for an applause, and then left.

Not just the podium. The graduation. The man left the podium and left the building. I did NOT appreciate his GO-OBAMA speech at my graduation. 

Through all of that, the girls on either side of me took about a hundred pictures of themselves with their iphones. 

When I got my diploma. I left the stage and walked straight to my parents and said, “LET ME LEAVE!” 

On our way out, the doorman said, “There is no re-admittance”. I turned to my sister and simply said, “Thank God.”

All I have to say is that it’s over. 

That STUPID Survey of Mathematical Reasoning/Logic class is FINALLY OVER! I took the final yesterday.

That’s all I have to say about that. 

So. My Western Civilization professor ended his final lecture last week talking about the Merovingians and the Carolingians. That, my good friend, was the topic of the last essay on the mid-term.

Yesterday was the final. 

You can only imagine how much of the material was not taught. 

I prepared 3 research papers and memorized 180 multiple choice questions. I took the exam yesterday. I picked the exam up this morning.

A on midterm + A on final = A in course!

This was certainly my favorite class of the semester, despite the fact that my professor did not lecture on anything from the rise of the Merovingians to the origins of the Scientific Revolution. 

I just submitted my final Algebra II assignment. If there is anything that the community college has taught me, it’s that I DESPISE Algebra II and will NEVER take another online math class. EVER. 

writingcreatively asked: Oh my god. This page is HILARIOUS. Thank you so much for finding and following me...you have brought so much amusement into my life

I’m so glad you’re enjoying it! :D

You can’t make this stuff up!

I just took my Modern American History final! :D

Overall, I liked the class. It was a bit boring at times, but the professor was great and the class was small. So - even though this was the frivolous class that I took on campus to have enough “on-campus” credits to graduate, I certainly do not view the experience as a waste of time. 

I’m almost there!

I went to the Honor’s Graduation at the community college last weekend and I am going to the official commencement ceremony next weekend. I just got an invitation to go to the Campus graduation next week. Seriously. How many times to I have to graduate before I get to leave?

How do I even put this experience into words? 

I have given the community college SO many chances to redeem itself, but every time I go to an event there, it’s a disaster. This morning I attended the Honors Convocation at the community college. It was a sort of a commencement for the graduates who are also apart of the Honors Program. 

The ceremony was supposed to start at 11am. It started at 11:30 am.

The hostess was the head of the Honors Program at my campus. She started out by saying that our campus is “so close to nature”. She proceeded to tell the crowd that this reminded her of “our native American ancestors”. I was looking around for the friendship pipe. I knew that this would not end well. 

I sat through COUNTLESS administrators vomiting claims about how prestegious the school is. They boasted about their “fine establishment”, their “prestegious professors”, and their “pursuit of excellence”. Every student there knew that it was a bunch of lies. I sat in that chair, listening to lies, chuckling to myself about some of the ridiculous claims, and received a medallion (their way of glorifying a medal that was probably mass ordered from Oriental Trading) and a pin that says that I am an “Honors Scholar”. 

I left the convocation at 1:40. The chair of the Honors Program of the campus I go to was still rambling in broken English about how in love she is with the community college. I went to where my family was sitting and asked if they wanted to leave. They all nodded vigorously. 

On the way to the car, my dad said, “That was pathetic. Their desperate attempt to label the program as prestigious only served to make the program look more pathetic.” This was the first event he attended there. Now he believes me when I tell him that the school and all of the administrators (who seem to out number the students) are pathetic. 

I can only pray that the formal graduation is somehow better.